When did this Life Begin (for parents)?

Six o’clock the usual morning lineup
Try to find a coffee cup that’s clean
Answer adoring messages fans write up
Put some dishes away, then it’s like 7:15

Music from “Tangled” to help with your day

Sung to the tune of “When will my Life Begin?” from “Tangled”.

Rapunzel from Disney's "Tangled" leaning out a window and looking up while singing.
Photo: Disney

Six o’clock the usual morning lineup
Try to find a coffee cup that’s clean
Answer adoring messages fans write up
Put some dishes away, then it’s like 7:15

And so, I’ll knock on doors
Or maybe two or three
It’s time to get up, kids
Now, days are ruined, see?
I’ll make their breakfast
And they won’t eat what they see
Just wonder when did this life begin?

After drop-offs it’s laundry and cleaning
Take out the trash. Some music for the stress
Grocery shopping and more music streaming

Then I’ll take clean clothes to rooms.
Oh my God! What a mess!

A boy's room with clothes and toys all over the floor and on the bed.
Oh my God! What a mess!

And then I’ll write some words
If I have time to spare
Bring dirty dishes down
I’m sure there’s room somewhere
Bring dirty laundry down
And clean clothes up the stair
On their beds where they’ve always been.
And I’ll keep washin’, foldin’,
Luggin’, and wonderin’
When did this life begin?

And then tonight
The kids will disappear
Just like they do every night each year
And it is nice
That time when they go
Now that It’s quiet
I might just
Thought you’d know

A girl dressed up as Rapunzel from Disney's "Frozen".
Rapunzel

Talking to your children

Parenting’s tough. Anyone who has children knows that. Sometimes it takes more than a larynx and diaphragm to get a message across to our little cherubs. Sometimes it only takes a slight variation of the vernacular to reach them. Here I would like to share with you my little nuggets occasionally bestowed upon our miserable little darlings. I’ve also included the intent of said nuggets. As an intelligent human, I’ll let you figure out the desired result(s).

I can’t even. (The words to describe this tomfoolery have yet to be invented.)

I will violate my parole. (I will find a cop and confess to whatever unsolved crime they are investigating if it means a couple of days to myself.)

I’m out of medals. (How nice of you to put your plate in the dishwasher this time. Your job this week was all of the dishes, which I have done twice in as many days so we could have clean dishes for dinner. I’m sorry you were up texting your friend until 12:30 this morning but some of us had to be responsible people today. But thank you for gracing us with your presence this mor- afternoon.)

I want proof of life. (Come out of your room and into the kitchen so we know you are actually out of bed and dressed.)

We’re not translating “The Divine Comedy”. (You have to write a sentence about a cat. Put on your big boy/girl pants and suck it up.)

Who’s on Dish Duty? (There is a mountain of dishes in the kitchen that’s about to topple over. how about putting the phone down and washing those dishes we told you to do three days ago?)

Who’s on Laundry Duty? (Everyone’s out of clothes again. How about pausing that PS4 and taking a moment to load the washer? It’s alright. You’ll have a solid 15-20 minutes of gaming before you have to move the load to the dryer and reload the washer.)

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