I try to help children with their homework. By helping, I mean I will help them find the answer. I refuse to give them the answer, much to the chagrin of The Oppressed and various members of The Gaggle.
There are times when I try to help children find the answer but they don’t want my help. They have the answer and it is right. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them to check their work. I need to find other ways to get them to check their work.
One such incident occurred with The Oppressed. She was doing math homework and was confident she had done her homework without getting a single problem wrong. Part of doing their homework includes me, the taskmaster, checking their homework and (gasp!) making them correct their mistakes. The scars are many. The therapy will be expensive.
I told The Oppressed to go over one specific problem. She wouldn’t. She got all of her answers right and she is good to go.
This is a good time for me to mention The Oppressed has informed me she needs a cell phone to help her deal with the multiple challenges and demands of elementary school.
“Listen,” I say to her. “Are you sure this is the right answer?”
She is sure.
“Okay,” I say. “If all of these answers are right, then I am obviously wrong. If I am wrong, we will stop everything we are doing right now. We will drive to the mall and get you a cell phone.”
Her eyes lit up. She almost dropped her homework.
I continue. “We will get the newest, latest phone they have. We will get the biggest data plan they offer.”
She smiled wide.
“We will download the YouTube app and we will not leave the store until we have created an account for you.”
Christmas had arrived. All of her dreams had manifested. Everything she had possibly wanted was coming true. All in one night.
Alas, eight times eight does not equal 60. She was stuck with playing games on a phone I stopped using six or seven years ago and continues to be deprived.
Categories: The Homework Wars